In All Seriousness:
You've been with the same Valentine for a long time: Groundhog Day
Sit down with your husband/wife or your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, and enjoy this incredible Bill Murray film. Murray is at the top of his career in what is in my opinion his best film. Hilarious and touching to reignite that burning desire in you both. For a different kind of burning feeling, enjoy your Valentine's Day dinner at Taco Bell.
You're reuniting with your Valentine after a while apart: Wild at Heart
Have you been on opposite sides of the country as your significant other? Are you just getting out of serving a prison sentence only to reunite with your lady and go on the run with her because her mom is hiring people to kill you? The second scenario is what happens to Nicolas Cage's character Sailor in Wild at Heart. This movie is darkly funny, crazy as hell, and super weird. All things you'd expect from a David Lynch film.
You were recently broken up with before V-Day: Sideways
I get it. Breaking up sucks. You have no hope for the future. Why don't you give that Sam Smith album a break and pop in Sideways. It's funny, it's filled with bright California images, and it shows that even if you're Paul Giamatti, there is still hope to find love in this world.
You recently started a relationship before V-Day: Punch-Drunk Love
Woooo! Finally got a boyfriend or girlfriend, huh? Adam Sandler knows exactly how you feel in Punch-Drunk Love. "I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine." Adam Sandler's Barry Egan's love makes him stronger than anything you can imagine when he gets into some trouble with a mattress salesman as he enters a new relationship. Short, sweet, and has one of the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman's best roles despite how small it is.
Your best friend is your valentine this year: Thelma and Louise
As is the common consensus with single people, both boys and girls suck. That's why your best friend is your valentine this year. There is no shame in that. You might be closer with that person than you ever could be with someone of the opposite sex. You could argue that Thelma and Louise's love for each other is stronger than most romantic relationships in other films. Just try not to go on a crime spree with your friend this Valentine's Day.
Just because I'm thirteen doesn't mean I can't be in love, MOM: Moonrise Kingdom
You are young, dumb, and in love. It happens. You are mature enough to make decisions for yourself. And as we can see in Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom, sometimes the kids act like adults and adults act like kids. Enjoy being a kid, write letters to each other, enjoy picnics together, and hope that Bill Murray isn't your dad. (Actually scratch that, Bill Murray would be an amazing dad.)
Ahhhhhhh I'm single and I'm pissed about it!: Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2
Woah! Take it easy. Stop breaking things. You're making a scene. You're single, again. It sucks. Instead of putting bags of poop on your ex's doorstep (actually don't rule this out, sounds fun), watch a film where a girl goes on an unstoppable quest for revenge, trying to take down every person that stands in her way just so she can kill her ex. Watch all four hours of this 2-part action film (let's face it, you have the time), and watch Uma Thurman let out all of her anger in a way that you wish you could.
Whether you actually listen to my recommendations or don't watch a movie at all, I hope you all have a great Valentine's Day.
-Ryan Moncrief
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